The Essence of Being Human
by Hayleigh's Comet
Summary: Partly AU. Set loosely around beginning/mid season 3. Amber a young teen girl with no last name and no memory of a past has been with Nikita and her team for a few years now, helping them with their fight as she continues her search for her mother and who she is. But who she is, is something no one expected. R&R! Hope you like! :)
1. Prologue

None of them would be where they are right now if it weren't for Amber. The take down of Division, Percy, all of it, would not have been

possible. A few years ago during a mission a young street girl just happened to be at the right place at the right time. She had saved them;

Nikita, Michael, Alex. Her name was Amber, no last name just a first. They asked her who she was, where she came from. Her reply "I don't

know." She explained to them that her past was a blank, save a few very hazy "frames" and that one day she just woke up and found herself

on the street. She didn't know her last name, who her parents were. She didn't even know her birthday so she didn't even know how old she

was. They all thought this was extremely strange. But the girl had turned to Nikita. She had seen the way she fought, how she took out the

bad men. She asked if she could come with them. She asked if maybe just maybe they could help her find her mother. Michael and Alex were

slightly hesitant but after a nod from Nikita all 3 approved and so it began. Amber came to live with them. Between missions they had tried

everything they could to find out who she was and who her mother was. Birkhoff had even done some digging on ShadowNet. Nothing. She

was a complete mystery. Nikita had promised her though that they would never give up looking for her mom and that until then she, Nikita

would be her family, they all would. Amber became very close with Nikita. The two had similar personalities and Amber could relate to Nikita's

not knowing her parents either. She was like a mother/big sister to her. Alex and Amber also had become close. Amber had become like a little

sister to her. Something Alex had always wanted once. They gave Amber the old Division training and she became part of their team, helping

them with missions. They took down Division, killed Percy, and now they were running the place. Just until they took down Amanda and the

dirty thirty.

**Present Day:**

Amber and Alex laid on their backs on the bed, eyes closed, both tired after working out. "Tell me something" Amber said. "hmm like what" Alex

murmured, eyes still closed. "Tell me about your mom." "Again?" "Yes please." Alex sat up "you always want to hear about stuff like that,

why?" Amber stayed where she was but opened her eyes and turned her head to look up at Alex. "Because" she started, "I don't remember

much about my mom... and by hearing about moms maybe the darkness in my brain will clear one day and I'll remember." "Do you remember

anything?" Alex asked. Amber sat up and hung her head a little. "Not really... just that she loved me. I know she did. Very much. I don't know

how I know but I just do. And I think she pretty. That's it." Alex put her arm around the girl. She felt sorry for her. She could sympathize with

the loss of a parent. The young girl missed someone so much that she didn't even remember. "You know I once thought my mother was dead

and that I'd never see her again but then I found out she was alive," Alex said, "We'll find her." Amber smiled. Alex got up and changed out of

her workout clothes. "Alex," Amber said following suit. "Yes?" Alex replied. "I remember one other thing about my life before the "black out.""

"What?" Alex asked. "Flames.. then darkness, then...nothing. I was on the street." Amber shrugged "And even that bit of memory is hazy."

There was a knock at the door and Owen came in. "Hey! Nikita and Michael want us all in Ops, they got something." Alex and Amber headed up

stairs to where Nikita, Michael, and Birkhoff were waiting. "Whats up?" Alex asked. "We found something" Michael said. "It looks like a black

box. Birkhoff is cracking the code now." "And I've got it!" Birkhoff shouted from his computer. They all gathered around the monitor as the

contents of the black box came up on the screen. "It.. It looks like a personal files on the Division staff?" Nikita said. "Look! Here file on

Michael." Birkhoff clicked on the file and it brought up the info and job done on Michael's family. Nikita reached out and clasped her hand to his.

"That son of a Bitch kept records on everything and everyone." Nikita said, "Michael, Roan, ..Amanda." "Click on her file, maybe there's

something on it we can us to take her down." Alex said from the back of the room. Birkhoff did and what came next was something no one was

expecting. "Oh my God.." Nikita whispered. One screen was picture and birth certificate...of Amber. More photos came up. Surveillance.

Shot of a house on fire. Amber stood and stared wide-eyed at the screen, silent. Her eyes fixed on a photo of herself siting on Amanda's lap on a

swing. Amanda's arms wrapped around her. They both were smiling. She looked to be about 7. The last age she remembered being before the

nothing-ness. Finally with tears forming in her eye's Amber cracked a smile and spoke, breaking the silence. She looked at the birth certificate

on the screen. "That's my birthdate...I'm 17."


	2. Chapter 1

"Amber, could leave the room for a minute please." Ryan said. Amber looked at Nikita. "It's okay" she said, "I'll come get you in a minute."

Amber left the room. "Okay.. Whoa" Michael said running his fingers through his hair. "You can say that again Mikey" Birkhoff said from his seat,

bewildered. "Amanda had a kid... or has a kid?"Alex stammered, "Did anyone know about this? Michael?" Michael shook his head "no, I had no

idea." Nikita remained silent, looking at the screen. Finally she spoke. "It says that to obtain Amanda as a founder of Division that Percy ordered

a distraction to get Amanda out of her house while a strike team started a chemical fire in her home, killing her seven-year old daughter, Amber

Collins... According to this there were no survivors and the mission was a success." "Well we all know that's not true" Alex said in a half laugh,

"our Amber is LIVING proof of that." "Yeah but how'd she survive?" Owen said "Those fires destroy everything, even bone" "I don't know" Ryan

said, "but we need to figure it out." "Maybe this is why Amanda is the way she is" Nikita said turning for the first time away from the screen.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked cocking her head to the side and staring at her mentor/"big sister." "I mean that maybe, just maybe Amanda

was "human" before that, and the very essence of being human is love, so... maybe by taking the one thing Amanda "loved" away from her...

made her into.. this." Nikita said.

* * *

_I found my mom..._ Amber thought as she walked aimlessly around the Division hall ways. _I've finally found her. But she's Amanda... The person_

_who's tried to kill us, even me several times. But then again she thinks I'm dead. Maybe if she knew the_ truth... Amber didn't know what to

think. She broken into a dead sprint down the hall way. She needed answers and she knew the best place to start was Amanda's office. She

didn't know what she was looking for, she just looked, at everything. _I know she loved me... I don't know how I know but I do... _

_Maybe...somewhere inside of her...she still does. _Amber couldn't find anything. She became frustrated and threw a book a crossed the room and

kicked Amanda's chair over. She slowly sank to the ground and began crying. But then she looked up. There was something unusual about the

bottom of the chair she had just kicked over. Amber quickly got to her feet and pulled out her knife. She run over and began prying open the

bottom of the chair. She yanked the bottom board off. There was a compartment. Inside was picture that looked like it had drawn by a five-year

old. It was a drawing of two people with the names; Mommy and Amber written above them. Atop the page was written in rainbow crayon it

said; Happy Mother's Day. The next thing Amber took out was a partly burnt picture. It was the picture of her and Amanda on the swing. The

last item hidden away was a little silver neckless with an infinity sign pendant with Amber's birthstone. As Amber put the neckless around her

neck she saw that there was a tiny inscription on the back. It said, _To my daughter with love forever. "_All this time"... Amber thought, she had

this hidden away. _There is good in her...there is something human. _"I found you mom" Amber whispered out loud. Smiling through tears.

_Now..somehow...they had to find each other. _


	3. Chapter 2

Amber dangled the neckless above her head as she lay in her bed in her room. "That's pretty" Nikita said as she walked into the room and sat on Amber's bed. Amber met her eyes. "Sit up" Nikita said patting Amber's leg, "I want to talk to you." Amber sat up, crossed her legs, and placed the neckless on the side table. Nikita placed her hands on Amber's, "Amber, Amanda is dangerous and needs to be stops." "So this changes nothing" Amber said weakly. "No. This changes something" Nikita said. "If possible we're going to do our best and bring her in alive." Amber smiled a little, but she still didn't know how to feel about any of this. "But.." Nikita said in a serious tone, "If it comes down to my life, Alex's, your's, anyones... " "She'll be taken out" Amber said. Nikita nodded, "I know she's your mom." "Nikita, it's okay" Amber said, "I understand."

* * *

Amber shot the last man, scooped up the black box, and ran. "Black box acquired, heading to the exit, do you copy?" Amber called into her ear com. "Copy, meet you at extraction. Michael and Alex are there and clearing the path." She heard Nikita say through the com. Amber picked up speed as she dashed down the long hallway. Suddenly she came to a screeching halt as Amanda rounded the corner. Amber drew her gun up and aimed but froze. Amanda saw this moment of hesitation and fired. Amber dogged and ducked behind a corner. She heard the click of heels coming towards her. Amber turned and fired a shot just above Amanda's head, causing her to duck in cover. Amber pulled back round the corner and breathed heavily. "Give me the black box!" Amanda shouted. "Afraid I can't do that!" Amber shouted back. She heard Amanda laugh. That's when she heard the foot steps of Amanda back up coming from both sides of the hall. "Sweetheart, you don't have a choice." Amber was trapped. "I don't wanna hurt you, and you don't wanna hurt me!" Amber shouted. "Why's that?" Amanda's voice said in laugher. Try as she might Amber couldn't find the words to answer her. "Amber!" She heard Nikita's voice in her ear. "Nikita I'm trapped." She whispered. "No you're not, do you see a vent? It shouldn't be too far from you." Amber looked around." "Yeah I see it!" Amber said. "It leads to the outside, but hurry! Amanda's back up is not too far behind and they'll know you went in there." Nikita said over the com. Amber unscrewed the bolts and climbed in. She began crawling for her life. She heard Nikita's voice on the ear com again, "Does Amanda know you're in the vent?" Amber was about to reply when a bullet shot through the vent not to far behind her. "Uhhh.. She does now" Amber said as she crawled. As she neared a light she rolled herself over and kicked as hard as she could, sending the vent door flying. "Amber!" Michael shouted, "throw me the black!" Amber did. "Now jump!" Amber jumped and Michael caught her. "Come on!" He said as they ran towards a helicopter waiting for them. She hoped in next to Alex. "Nice of you to join us" Alex said playfully and Amber jokingly rolled her eyes. "You ok?" Nikita said, who was siting a crossed from her. Amber gave her a thumbs up, and a smile before turning her gaze out the window. As the helicopter gained altitude she saw Amanda and her men run out. Amanda looked up and her eyes met Amber's. They stared at each other until they could no longer see. When they arrived at Division, Ryan and Owen were there to greet them. "How'd the mission go!?" Owen asked. Michael smiled and pulled out the black box. "A success" Ryan breathed in relief. Birkhoff appeared from around the corner and snatched the box out of Ryan's hand. He took Sonya's hand and lead to her to a computer "Let's get cracking" Sonya said giving him a kiss as he sat down. "I love it when you talk dirty" Birkhoff said. Owen rolled his eyes and Alex giggled. "Good work" Ryan said and walked away. Amber walked down the hall. She didn't feel much like celebrating. "Wanna talk about it?" Nikita asked, appearing beside her. Amber sighed but didn't look at her. "I couldn't see my mom in her." Amber said. "She would have killed me had she the chance, she wouldn't have even hesitated." "She doesn't know who you are." Nikita said softly. "If she knew" Amber said stopping to look at Nikita, "do you think it would make a difference?" "I don't know." Nikita said honestly.

* * *

Ryan had decided that do to Amber's hesitation in pulling the trigger and her newly discovered relation to Amanda, that it was best the she stay at Division during the mission that concurred Amanda, at least for now. Nikita had gone on one and Amber anxiously awaited her return. She didn't like waiting and wondering. "Hey!" Alex called from over the railing of ops. Amber stopped hitting the punching bag and turned around. "Nikita's back" Alex said with a smiled. Amber returned her smile and followed her into ops. Nikita was debriefing everyone on the mission. "What I miss?" Amber whispered to Alex. "Not much, Nikita was tied to a chair in a fire with Amanda but they both managed to escape." Alex whispered back. "Did she say anything?" Ryan probed. "Yeah" Nikita said and her eyes found Amber. "She said it began in a fire. I begged her to tell me... she said that I wasn't the only with daddy issues...and...she said she was made the day they killed her daughter."


	4. Chapter 3

Amber stared at the screen, at the contents of Amanda's file, trying desperately to remember that night. _How did I survive? _Amber thought to herself for about the hundredth time. she started at the picture of the fire, unblinking, focussing so hard she gave herself a head ache and had to sit down. All she saw was a few bits of flames in her mind. The same as she always saw. Amber felt a presence behind her and quickly stood up."Its alright, it's just me" Alex said coming to sit beside her. Alex started at the screen too. They started in silence for awhile. Amber was grateful for the company. After what seemed like an hour, Amber spoke. "The first thing I remember clearly is waking up in darkness, crawling into some ally. This elderly woman found me there, took my hand and said she'd been looking for me. I was little and scared and didn't remember what had happened so I went with her. She cared for me. Thinking back I think she had Dementia or something cause she never called me by my name, she called me Jessica or sometimes Christen. I lived with her till I was 10 I think... I didn't know my birthday so it was hard to keep track. One day she died. I called 911 and left. I went to her funeral. I put daisies on her grave once. After that I lived with these other kids in this park. It was good, we looked out for one another. One day these cops found us and we slit. After that I lived on my own. Shelters, Allies, Hotel lobby bathrooms... Worked odd jobs... not proud of it but had to steal sometimes... just small stuff. I would go to this library that had this online school thing set up. That's how I learned to read and write and stuff. I try to search for my mom... But I didn't even know her name so I didn't get very far. I just searched... I thought that If I saw her... I would know her... That she would know me...That everything would be ok.." Amber's voice trailed off, "Then I found you." She said turning to Alex and smiling. Alex smiled back and pulled the girl in for a hug. "We found each other." Alex said. "Hey guys, mind if I join in this hug fest?" Nikita said entering the room. Alex and Amber smiled and extended their arms to her. All 3 joined in, all 3 smiling. "Hey guys I hate to interrupt but Amanda's on the radar and we've got a mission." Michael said from the doorway. The three woman stood up. Alex and Nikita glanced at Amber before heading to the door. Nikita gently brushed Amber's arm as she left. "Hey" Alex said stopping Nikita. Nikita turned to her young protegé/"little sister." "You should get Owen to go with you, I'll stay here and hang out with Amber." Nikita smiled proudly at her before nodding and turning to leaving.

* * *

"Amber! Amber! Amber!" Amber heard Alex shouting her name. She put down the book she was reading down and dashed into the hallway. "Alex? What's wrong?" Amber yelled as Alex ran down the hallway to approach her. "It's Nikita! Amanda's got her!" Alex said in a panic. "What?! How?" Amber said in shock. "Owen, he got his memory back and apparently he's some crazy sociopathic soldier named Sam. And he just handed or sold rather, Nikita over to Amanda!" Alex panted. Amber didn't know what to say... Owen and her had been close... he had always sympathized with her on their common loss of identity. Amber couldn't believe he was capable of such a thing. "We have to save her! Where's Michael?" Amber asked. "He's out on a mission." Alex said. "Find him, I'll send coordinates when I get there." Amber said and headed down the hall to the armory. "What?" Alex asked, following her. "I'm going after her, I can't sit here anymore! Get Michael... tell him I've gone. I'll send coordinates soon." Amber said firmly. She locked and loaded her guns. Alex reached up and spun Amber around so that she was facing her. "Don't try to stop me" Amber said pushing past her. "I'm not" Alex said catching her arm and pulling her into a hug. "Be careful" Alex said in a caring voice. "I will" Amber said softly, and she turned to go. Before she left Amber went back to her room and pulled the burnt picture of her and Amanda from under her pillow she hugged it to her chest before slipping it into her pocket. _I'm coming Nikita, I'm coming... But what if I run into my mother..? _Amber didn't know what would happen but she felt ready. _I don't know what is waiting for me but Amanda is family and so is Nikita. _

* * *

**Glad so many people are enjoying this story! :) Thanks to all who read! And special shout out and thank you to my Faveritors, Followers, and Reviewers! I love reading your kind words! Keep the reviews coming! :) I'm super excited to write this next chapter :) :) :) I've been waiting for this next chapter for a long time. I think its going to be pretty awesome! Stay tuned :) **


	5. Chapter 4

The GPS in Nikita's phone told Amber she was not too far away. Amber came up to an old warehouse. _She must be in there _Amber thought. She pulled out her cell phone and texted Michael the coordinates. Amber took the safety off her gun and took a deep breath. Amber entered the building.

* * *

Nikita woke up staring at Amanda, in shock at what she had just been made to see. Suddenly the door opened and Amanda narrowed her eyes. "I told you not to interrupt us" Amanda spat. "Yes I know ma'am but.." the guard's voice faded. Amanda spun around to face him and Nikita was able to see around her. In the man's arms was the motionless body of Amber. Bruises covered her face and arms. "Amber..." Nikita struggled to whisper. "Is she dead?" Amanda said, spacing her words like she was talking to an idiot. "No, unconscious" he said. Amanda closed her eyes for a second, clearly loosing her patients. Amanda opened her eyes, "and why the hell not?" The man started getting nervous, "her pocket" he said weakly nodding to Amber's front pocket. Amanda rolled her eyes but walked over and reached into Amber's pocket and pulled out a photo. Amanda turned it over and looked at it. Her mouth fell open and her eyes grew wide. Amanda turned and marched back to Nikita, holding up the photo. "What the hell is this?!" She said angrily. Nikita's mouth moved, but no words came out. Amanda grabbed a hold of her and jerked her up so the Nikita was just centimeters away from her. "Why does she have this!"Amanda screamed. Nikita held her breath for a moment. "Because she's your daughter" Nikita breathed. Amanda let got and Nikita fell back into the chair. She stood there emotionless for a moment before laughing an unusual laugh, "my daughter is dead." "No, she's not" Nikita said. Amanda stopped laughing. "She's alive, and she's laying right in front of you." Nikita said slowly. Amanda looked back and forth from Amber to Nikita. "Strap her to the other chair!" Amanda ordered the guard. "Let's find the truth shall we." Amanda said as the man strapped Amber's still unconscious body to the chair and began placing IVs in her arm and sensors on her head and body. Nikita realized what was happening, "Amanda stop! Don't do this! She'll tell you herself when she wakes up!" "But asking the subconscious is so much better." Amanda said. Nikita tried to get up but couldn't, she could only watch. Amanda pushed some drugs into the tube, before looking at her monitor. "There appears to a chemical blockage.." Amanda said and picked up a syringe filed with more drugs. "Are you sure you wanna do that ma'am?" The man said. "Its the only way to get to the truth. You may leave now." Amanda said and the man left. She pushed the drugs and Amber's eyes flew open and her pupils dilated. Nikita called out her name but she seemed not to hear her, she remained motionless, like she was in a trace, staring into nothingness. Suddenly she spoke. "Mommy's leaving she has to run to the office real quick and get a file because the man on the phone needs it. Mommy do you have to go? Mommy says she loves me.(_Amber's body smiles)_ I go to my room. Mommy says she'll be back in ten minutes and then she'll read me a bed time story. I crawl into bed but then I hear a noise down stairs. Mommy's back! That was fast. But it's not mommy... it's a man? There are strange men in the house. I'm scared. I crawl under the living room chair and hide. I want mommy. The men are talking about me and mommy. They're pouring something in the oven? (_Amber's body starts to shake) _It smells funny... there's a rope hanging out of the oven? One of the mens says mission is a go, execute. They light the rope on fire and leave. The rope burns... BOOM! There's an explosion! My house is on fire! Help! Help! Mommy! (_A few tears fall from Amber's face) _There's flame everywhere! I try to get out but I can't! The flames are everywhere! I can't breathe! *Cough cough* The floor underneath me collapse. I fall into the slave tunnels under our house. I crawl and crawl but I'm still coughing, still choking... the funny smell is making me dizzy, sleepy, my mind feels foggy... I see a light but I can't go any farther... my eyes close... darkness... mommy... mommy...mommy..." Amber eyes fall close and her body stops shaking. Nikita is speechless... Nikita looks at Amanda and see something she thought she'd never see. Amanda is crying. Tears fall slightly down her face. She reaches out a hand and hesitates for a few moments before stroking a lock of Amber's hair and gently resting her hand on Amber's cheek. "Amber...? My little Amber?" She says softy. Nikita swears she sees a small smile on Amanda's face but she can't tell before Owen/Sam busts through the door. Amanda removes her hand from Amber's face and places it at her side. "What" she says not turning to face Owen/Sam. You're coming with me" Owen orders. "Just a few more moments, we're not finished here" Amanda says cooly. "No" Owen/Sam says and pulls out a gun and aims it at her, "Now!" Amanda turns and leaves with him. A few seconds later Michael runs into the room. "Nikita!" Her cries out and kisses her as he takes the straps off. "Are you ok?" He says worriedly. "I'm fine" Nikita stammers, "Get Amber." Michael rushes over to Amber and begins undoing her straps. As he does so her turns to Nikita with a worried expression. "She's ok" Nikita breaths, steadying herself on her own two feet, "she just unconscious and drug induced." Michael gives her a confused look as he picks Amber up. Nikita shakes her head "I'll explain later." Michael takes his loves hand and they leave the building. As the three head for Division, Amanda sits in the car with Owen/Sam, holding tight to the burnt photo from Amber's pocket of her and her daughter on the swing.

* * *

**:D What did you think? Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I know I did :) Thanks to everyone that reads and reviews! **


	6. Chapter 5

Amber sat straight up in a flash, gasping as she did so. "Whoa whoa! Amber calm down its ok!" Nikita said jumping out of her chair from a crossed the room and taking hold of the startled girl's shoulders. Amber looked around. She was back at Division, in medical to be exact. "Hey look at me" Nikita soothing voice said and Amber turned to look at her. "Take a deep breath, you alright?" Nikita asked. "Yeah" Amber said breathlessly, getting a grip on herself. "What.. what's all this?" Amber asked as she noticed all the wires hanging off of her. "Monitors for you breathing and heart rate" Nikita said. Amber gave her a funny look. "There were some complications with the drugs Amanda pushed into your brain, you've been in a coma." Nikita said gently. "What? A coma? How long?" Amber said in a panic. Nikita leaned the girl back down into her chair before speaking again. "Almost a month. Its ok Amber, you're fine." "Amber blinked a second and took a deep breath. "Wow" she said. "Do you remember anything?" Nikita asked as she stroked the girl's arm. Amber thought for a moment before becoming wide-eyed and turning towards Nikita. "I remember everything.." Amber whispered then looked up at the ceiling. "The fog has been lifted. I remember everything, about the fire, my mother, myself.." She turned back to look at Nikita. Nikita gave her a small smile. "That's good" Nikita said. Amber smiled back before looking back up at the ceiling. "My mind is spinning" she laughed, "but I feel... clear haha for once." Amber turned back to Nikita "So almost a month huh?" She said sarcastically. Nikita laughed, "uh huh." "So what I miss?" Amber asked. Nikita's face turned to a frown and she lowered her eyes to the ground before looking up to meet Amber's eyes again. "Nikita what is it?" Amber asked, starting to worry. "Amanda ordered the dirty thirty to attack us... Sean was killed" Nikita said sadly. Amber sat up. "Oh my gosh... when?" She asked breathlessly. This was a lot to take in for someone who had just come out of a coma. "A few days ago... everyone else is alright" Nikita said. "Where's Alex?" Amber said. "In her room last I checked," Nikita answered her. "I have to go to her" Amber said and started getting up. "Hey, hey, just take it easy a second." Nikita said trying to get Amber back into the chair "You just came out of a coma for gosh sakes." "Nikita please... she's family" Amber said looking at Nikita with teary eyes. Nikita sighed, "alright, but afterwards you need to come back here and be checked out ok." Amber nodded.

* * *

Amber found Alex sitting on her bed looking away from her. "Alex?" Amber said softly. Alex stood up and turned around to look at her. "Amber, oh my gosh you're awake" she said as she came around the bed to hug her friend. Amber hugged her back. "I'm sorry about Sean" Amber said and Alex pulled and turned away. "Alex if there's anything I can do.." "There is" Alex said and turned back to her friend and took her hands in her's. "You can help me put a bullet in Amanda's head" Alex said.

* * *

Amber face fell in shock. Alex was walking around the room going on about some plan to lure Amanda to them but Amber seemed not to hear her. "Alex I can't" Amber said, still frozen with shock. Alex stopped talking. Amber found the strength to turn and look at her, "I can't help you kill her... and I can't let you kill her either." Alex's face turned hard with anger. "And why not" Alex hissed. "You know why" Amber said, her voice quiet. Alex continued to stare at her. "She's my mom" Amber said. Alex laughed, "No she's not" "Alex.." "Amanda's not anyone's mother!" Alex shouted, "She's just a part of your DNA, she's a killer, she's not human, and she has to die!" "She was once!" Amber said desperately, "she wasn't always this way, Percy did this and.." "And what?" Alex said cutting her off, " You think she can be good again? Amber didn't say anything. "What just because you're alive you think you can change her by what? Just being you? Just by being alive?" Alex said sounding distraught. "Yes" Amber said looking her in eyes, "she loves me, I know she does, she locked that part of her away for so long, but I know she does, I know I can reach her." Amber cried out with tears in her eyes. " Alex turned away. " I know you miss Sean an awful lot, but if you kill my mom... that won't bring him back. It would only hurt me. Sean loved you... he wouldn't want this." Amber said. "Get out.." Alex said. "Alex.." Amber said, tears falling from her face. "I said get out!" Alex screamed. And Amber left the room. She knew she should go back to medical but she just wanted to clear her head. Amber took elevator up to the surface. She breathed in the cool night air and calmed her self down. Amber was about to head back when she heard the sound of foot steps approaching her. She turned around. "Hello Amber, so nice to see you" It was Amanda.

* * *

Amber held her breath. Amanda smiled, "I'm unarmed and not here to hurt you." Amber let her breath go. "Why are you here?" She asked. "To talk" Amanda said as if it was nothing. Amber didn't know what to think or feel but still she nodded. "You've grown up, almost 18? Amanda said. "Almost" Amber said. "Ten years..." Amanda said. Amanda took out the burnt photo and studied it a moment. "You have my eyes and hair, you loved that swing... sometimes you'd fall sleep in my arms naming the clouds." "I remember" Amber said. Amanda nodded. Amber started feeling joy creep into her and take away her fear. She was talking to her mother. "Nikita treating you well?" Amanda asked. "Yes" Amber said. "Good" Amanda said. She was silent for a few moments before speaking again. "All these years... I thought you were dead... I am pleased... That you are alive." She looked at her daughter for a few moments before turning and walking a way. "Wait!" Amber called after her, "Please stay! But Amanda kept walking. "Does this change anything?" She called out and Amanda stopped walking. She paused a moment, "No" she said and kept walking. Amber was about to call out to her mother again when she heard a gun load. She turned around to see Alex. "Get out-of-the-way" Alex said. "No" Amber said and Alex tried to get around her but Amber wouldn't let her. "Move! I have to kill her!" Alex screamed. "No you don't. Alex if you do this then you're as bad as the rest of them. And I can't let you do that... I love you too much." Amber said. A tear fell from Alex's eye and she started to lower her weapon. But at that moment she hears Amanda's car door slam and she raised her gun once again. Amber saw this and jumped forward. "No!" BANG. The gun went off. Alex dropped her gun when she saw what she had done.

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"Amber! No!" She screamed and ran forward. Amber was on the ground. "I'm ok" Amber choked, "Just help me up." The bullet had gone through and through Amber's shoulder. "Back to medical?" Amber said and Alex laughed and cried at the same time. After a few hours in medical Amber was resting comfortably. Alex knocked on the door. "Hey" She said, "Can I come in?" "Sure, why not" Amber replied as the pain meds started kicking in." Alex cocked her head to the side. "Why not? I just shot you?" Alex said. "Yeah but it was an accident" Amber said sarcastically giving her a wink. "Besides, there was no major damage doc says I'll be back on missions in no time." Alex wiped a tear from her eye and sat down next to her. "You are... Something amazing" she said only half kidding. Amber gave her a look. Alex looked down at her, "I'm sorry... for everything." "Already forgiven" Amber said taking Alex's hand, "I am sorry about Sean." Alex squeezed Amber's hand."You were right, about Sean...he wouldn't have wanted this." Alex said. "Love.. is a powerful thing... It governs much of us, it can lead us to the light, or to dark... It saves us, and sometimes it kills us... But it is love which makes us human." Amber said. Alex smiled, "friends?" Amber shook her head, "sisters." And they hugged. Amber then whispered in Alex's ear, "I saw her, after you shot me and I was on the ground. My mom, Amanda she stopped and looked at me... and she didn't stop looking... she didn't leave till she saw me get up...There was something...something in her eyes.." Alex leaned back and looked deep into Amber's eyes. "She said this changes nothing" Amber said, "But she was wrong... Love...she felt it...this changes everything."

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**Hope you liked the Chapter :) As aways Thanks for the reviews! Keep um coming! Recommend the story to friends! :) Stay tuned! **


	7. Chapter 6

Amber lay on her back as she stared up at her ceiling trying to make sense of it all. She had done this a lot lately ever since that night Amanda had come to see her. Every mission Amanda's thugs would aim at her but none would ever pull the trigger. _They must know... My mother must have told them not to harm me...They know who I am. _Sometimes she would see Amanda and they would share a moment of silence. They would just stare wordlessly into each other's eyes. Ever since she got her memories back Amber was desperate to reach out to her mother. Once she got the courage to try. Admits all the gun fire and Alex trying to call her back Amber walked up to her mother and reached her hand out to take her mother's. Amanda had raised her arm but just as they were about to touch Amanda jerked her hand away, spun around and went away as if she was afraid. Amber had seen it in her eyes... it was not Amber that Amanda feared but affection. Amanda was fighting a war within herself. A battle between loves. Love of the darkness and love of the "light." A battle between the person she was when I had "died" and the person she was now. She was human... once... and could be again, Amber just knew it. Amanda just had to choose love. But in a way that choice also ment losing. Amanda would have to let Nikita win, succumbing to the weakness that came with being human. A difficult choice. Despite all that Amanda was and everything she had done, she was still her mother. She was still the woman that had held her when she cried, pushed her on the swing, tucked her in, been proud of her and most importantly... loved her. Amber hated what Amanda had become, the things she did, the people she hurt. But she did not hate Amanda, not even a little bit. She loved her.

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"Alex look out!" Amber cried out to her friend. Luckily Alex heard her and spun around just in time to disarm her attacker. They were on a mission that Ryan hoped would take down Amanda once and for all. Amber was now fighting with a man who had her in a headlock. Thinking fast Amber held her breath and let herself go limp in his arms. He tossed her aside, satisfied at such an easy kill. As he turned his back to her she placed two bullets into his spine. _Never turn your back on an enemy _Amber thought, one of Nikita's lessons. Amber killed 13 more men that mission before she joined Alex at their meeting point. "Where's Michael and Nikita?" Amber asked as she reached her friend, out of breath. "I don't know" Alex said, equally out of breath. Just then they both heard on their ear pieces Michael's voice, "Taking heavy fire in the boiler room!" Alex and Amber looked at each other. "I'll go" Alex said, "You get Birkhoff on the line and see if you can find Nikita." Amber nodded and they went their separate ways. "Birkhoff, you there?" Amber called on her ear com. "Yep! Like big brother my little badass, always here and watching." Birkhoff said. Amber rolled her eyes, "alright then big brother, see if you can find me Nikita." "Let me just worked my magic.." Amber heard him say. "Alright.. girlfriend's about 3 hallways and a left to your right." Birkhoff said. Amber reloaded her gun and took off down the hallway she was turning left when she heard Birkhoff say "Somethings not right with Niki's ear com? There's some interference... Be careful I think her signal's jammed!" He was cut off when she entered the room. Standing a little more than a foot apart were Nikita and her mother... with guns aimed at each other... fingers' on the triggers.

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"Stop!" Amber yelled coming into the room "Don't shoot! Please!" Nikita flinched ever so slightly at the sound of Amber's pleading voice. Nikita went to lower her gun but Amanda took a step forward and Nikita raised her arm back up. "Amanda!" Amber screamed but Amanda seemed not to hear her. "I won't be weak this time, I won't hesitate" Amanda said to Nikita. "I'm sorry Amber.." Nikita said, sorrowfully as she replaced her finger on the trigger of the gun. A fire filled Amber's soul. She knew what she needed to do... and she knew the risk if she was wrong. "No!" Amber screamed and stepped in front of the guns facing her mother.

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Both women froze. Nikita was the first to speak. "Amber what are you doing?" Amber didn't answer her. She just continued to stare at her mother. Amanda's finger was off the trigger now and she seemed to be holding her breath. "I can't let you do this..." Amber said with tears forming in her eyes. "Either of you" she said as she briefly turned to look at Nikita before turning back to Amanda. "Move.." Amanda choked out. "No.. I won't let you hurt her..." Amber said as the tears began to fall. "You gotta make a choice now... you gotta choose" Nikita had never seen Amanda so "vulnerable" or in shock before. Amanda looked into her daughter's eyes. "If you want to kill her your bullet will have to pass through me to do it." Amanda's mouth fell slightly open, yet her face remained cold and emotionless. "Amber..." Nikita said in an uneasy tone. Amber did not hear her though. "You... are a human... a good human." Amber said, "You're my mom." "A long time ago." Amanda said cooly. "Now.." Amber said, "it's still in you.." She stepped forward so that the barrel of Amanda's gun was touching the flesh outside of her heart. "This is my heart...'your' heart" Amber said, tears falling, her voice wavering but strong at the same time. Amanda looked rattled. Amber blinked away a tear and spoke again, "It's okay.. It's okay... you can shoot me..." "Amber!" Nikita yelled and tried to push her away but Amber wouldn't budge. It was silent for a moment before Amber spoke again. "I died a long time ago in that fire... If this is your choice I just want you to know one thing..." Amanda stared at her. "despite everything you've done and who you've become.. I still love you mom." Nikita saw something change in Amanda's eyes as she hesitated for only a few moments before dropping her gun and pulling her daughter towards her. The two falling to their knees as they embrace. Both crying. "My daughter.. my baby" Amanda cried as they embraced. "Mom.." was all that Amber whispered. Through all her tears she looked happy. Nikita just stood there not know what to do. And when Amanda looked up from her daughter to meet Nikita's eyes, Nikita saw something in them... Something human.

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**I hope this chapter was worth the wait! :) Sorry I have made all you wonderful readers, reviewers, and followers wait so long! I've been crazy busy with work and life and I was on Vacation last week. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It was a passion to write! This story will be wrapping up in a few chapters so just a heads up! R&R! Recommend this story to friends! If you could message me your favorite chapter(s) or scene(s) maybe that would be great! I like knowing what my readers like! Thanks so much! Stay Tuned! :) **


	8. Chapter 7

Amber watched from the other side of the observation glass as Nikita approached her mother, who was hand cuffed to the table. "Tell me everything" Nikita said. "After I killed my sister and father I ran away. From all those years being locked away and experimented on I was hard and cold. I did not feel. I became Amanda. I moved my way up in the psychology world. I schemed, Lied, Worked my ass off, and even once slept my way to the top. I wasn't human." Amanda said. "Who was Amber's father?" Nikita asked. "Just a man, a fellow ladder climber. It only happened once. It got us where we wanted to be." Nikita nodded and Amanda went on. "I eventually found out I was pregnant. Still I felt nothing. I didn't not want the baby and I didn't did want the baby. I just... didn't care. I carried her inside me and gave birth her. After I gave birth the nurse asked If I would like to hold her. I said no and they simply placed her in one of those clear plastic beds. I remember rolling over and falling asleep. I didn't even have a name for her. I awoke to her crying and I rolled over to look at her. I don't know why but I reached out and touched her and when I did... She stopped crying and looked at me... and she smiled. I immediately sat up and took her into my arms. I held her. I felt something for the first time in years... I called her Amber. Each day I felt more and more. I was becoming more and more human. I loved her. She was everything. Then came the fire... She was 7 years old. I was filled with anger, hate, ambition. Love.. is the essence of being human... and I lost it that the day she was taken from me. A few days later a man named Percy came to me and offered me a job. He was building an empire of assassins. I took the job. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I wanted children. Maybe because I wanted to have the power to control life and death. I don't know. So Division was born. I became Percy's right hand. And one day he shared his secrets with me. He showed me the file he had on all Division personal. He told me he killed my daughter. I didn't cry. I didn't get angry or sad. But I felt. I planed revenge on all of Division from that moment. I took over Division to purposefully run it into the ground in fire and screaming. And I didn't just hate your precious Carla because she saw me with Ari. I hated her because she came up with the Idea of faking ones death with fire and Percy took it further and killed my child. I hated her because of her idea. Wether she knew it or not she had a hand in killing my child. She had to pay for that. As did Percy, as did Oversight, As did Division." Amanda had tears in her eyes. Nikita felt her own tears starting to form. "Did you ever love Ari?" Nikita asked. Amanda thought for a moment before answering. "Maybe in the beginning I did... but after a while I wasn't human enough to love anyone... Maybe I'm still not." "You always told me there were two Nikita's. The one the world sees, and the one you keep locked away... I saw the Amanda you kept locked away." Nikita said and Amanda looked up. "I saw her on my birthday when she brought me a cake. I saw her when she couldn't pull the trigger to end my life. I saw her when she let me go... and I saw her today when she chose love over hate. The essence of being human truly is love and you've had it in you all along... you just had to choose it." "Nikita... Thank you... for raising her... for being there her... for loving her." Amanda said looking deep into Nikita's eyes. Nikita searched her eyes and saw she ment It. "Your are welcome" Nikita answered softly. Nikita gathered herself and left the room. Nikita stood by Amber as they both looked at Amanda through the observation glass. "Was that hard for you to hear?" Nikita asked Amber. Amber did not look away from her mother. "Some of it... but it doesn't matter. I feel joy." She smiled up at Nikita who met her eyes with her own smile. "You are an amazing human being, you know that?" Nikita said. Amber nodded, love showing in her eyes. "I love you Nikita..." Amber said. Nikita put her arm around the girl. "I love you too." Amber squeezed her hand and turned her gaze back on her mom. "I think... There is love and humanity in all of us... even the least human and evilest among us. For some I think It is just easier to choose. Because of how we were raised, What happened to us, The way we are treated, and for some of us... maybe its just chemical. There is good and bad in this world. There is love and hate. But we are all human. The essence of being human is love. And I think it is human to choose." Amber said. Nikita looked at the girl. _Such wisdom for someone so young_ Nikita though. "She has to pay for what she's done..." Nikita said. "I know" Amber said, there were tears in her eyes. "And when she has... she will come back to you." Nikita spoke. "I know that too." Amber said with a smile. "Can I see her now?" Amber asked. Nikita nodded. Nikita watched as mother and daughter sat a crossed from each other, held hands, and talked. It was a beautiful sight.

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***Sniff sniff* :) Hope you liked! Sorry to get all deep on ya, but I really wanted to make this point and bring a "human" message to this story I love so much :) Thank you to all my reviewers, followers, and favoriters! You are the ones I write for. As stated in a previous chapter this story will be wrapping up soon. So if you all could tell me your favorite chapter(s) and/or moment(s) that would be great. I look forward to your wonderful reviews :) Peace and Love! **


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